Avi

This is a silent documentary I made about my friend Avi when I stayed with him in Paris in 2007. He was writing and cleaning apartments for some cash. I want to make more of these about different friends in different cities.

2008 Best Flicks

1. Synecdoche, New York – This will someday be known as Charlie Kaufman’s best picture (to date). Absolutely brilliant and unfairly underrated.

2. The Wrestler – Mickey Rourke, it’s true what they say. Although they should give more credit to all the amazing movies he was in in the 80’s.

3. Man on Wire – Fascinating documentary on a unique subject, a Frenchman I’m glad I learned about.

4. Rachel Getting Married – I’m not into TV on the Radio’s new album, but the guy is in a great movie right here. And Anne Hathaway is so good I saw Bride Wars because she was in it. That sure was a mistake. Nevertheless, if this is her Erin Brockovich, it’s a hell of a lot better than Erin Brockovich.

5. In Bruges – Martin McDonough, great playwright, very good first film.

6. The Strangers – I’m not normally into horror, but this has such an excellent setup. It falls apart at the end, as most horror movies do, but the first three quarters had my neck pinned to the top of my seat. I was pretty high when I saw this, and had just read Bugliosi’s book on Charles Manson, whose escapades the movie is very loosely – but certainly noticeably – based on.

7. Let the Right One In – I’m not normally into vampire movies, but there was something weird and different about this one that kept me involved. Just goes to show, execution is more important than genre. This movie is Swedish.

8. Appaloosa – Bad ass Western with one of my favorites, Ed Harris, starring and directing, also with Viggo Mortensen. I like it even though Jeremy Irons is in it. For some reason I can’t stand Irons.

9. Vicky Christina Barcelona – Scarlett Johanssen is damn hot. I like this movie for many reasons, that is just one of them. I saw this on a Monday afternoon by myself in a near-empty theater in Los Feliz. It will put you into a joyful mood.

10. Milk – Everyone’s good in this, and I like Gus Van Sant. He’s had an interesting career. I wonder why no one ever screens My Own Private Idaho or Drugstore Cowboy. I wish I owned a theater, I would screen those for sure.

Best Movie of 2009: Two Lovers. Joaquin Phoenix should win the 2009 Oscar hands down. One of the best performances I’ve ever seen. I doubt anything will eclipse this, it’s the best movie I’ve seen since Little Children in 2006.

Movies I have yet to see that could make the list: Snow Angels, Role Models, A Christmas Tale, Doubt, The Visitor.

Ef ‘Ron Milan

Has anyone noticed that Zac Efron is fucking ripped as shit?

His body is s1ck. With a number 1 in place of the i because his musculature is #1 awesome.

He’s like B. Pitt in F. Club.

He’s like LeBron.

If LeBron and Zac Efron got married, LeBron would be LeBron Efron. That would be crazy.

It would also be super gay.

Speaking of super gayness, I’ve been doing The Perfect Pushup every other day, and I am gonna get mega ripped, just like Efron.

Los Flexiones Perfecto.

My Refrigerator Thinks It’s In a David Lynch Movie

Every time I open my fridge, I catch the lightbulb flickering ominously.

Fridge: you are not in a David Lynch movie. Bill Pullman is not about to turn into Balthazar Getty. Naomi Watts is not about to become a lesbian and cry while masturbating. Kyle MacLachlan isn’t drinking coffee. Jack Nance isn’t talking about his dog who barks some. No one’s singing along to Roy Orbison.

Actually, that last part isn’t true. I did sing along to some Orbison this evening.

Diesel

Last night this guy told me that Vin Diesel is gay. Like, that he officially came out as being gay.

I looked it up online and found this:

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_Vin_Diesel_gay

Wow. Pretty definitive.

Q: Is Vin gay?

A: No, he is not.

Amazing. Well put. An economical answer for these trying times.

Hottie alert!

Q: Hey, WikiAnswers, do trees grow on clouds?

A: No, they do not. They are separate.

Thank you.

I Know What You’re Going To Do Next Summer

The third in the I Know What You Did Last Summer series is called I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer.

What’s so impressive about always knowing what a group of teenagers did the previous summer? It’s pretty easy. You just wait a year and then ask around, “Hey, that group of friends seems pretty cool. What did they get up to last summer?” “They did this, this and this.” “Thanks. Heh heh heh.”

“Big deal. FUCK YOU!!” – Ed Harris in the best scene of Glengarry Glen Ross.

The second in the series is called I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. That title bugs me because it sounds like bragging. But the guy is bragging about something so not impressive. If you knew what I did last summer, still knowing it isn’t a big deal. You’re basically saying you don’t have Alzheimer’s.

Also, that guy on the bottom right of the poster is a Skeet Ulrich lookalike. That’s getting pretty far down on the lookalike totem pole. Skeet Ulrich is a Johnny Depp lookalike, which I suppose is respectable, but being a lookalike of Johnny Depp lookalike Skeet Ulrich? No.

It’s like the time I saw a guy who I initially pegged as a Charlie Sheen lookalike, only to realize he was actually a lookalike of Charlie Sheen lookalike Balthazar Getty (this was at Union Pool in Williamsburg about four years ago). Actually that’s the exact same thing. I just repeated myself. Sorry for wasting your time.

“How I Met Your Mother”: Not Funny

I don’t get people who tell you “How I Met Your Mother” is funny. It’s not. It’s just a regular sitcom.

What else is funny? “Full House”?? Fuck you!!!!!!!!