Atrophy

This evening I was talking to someone who was telling me about a guy whose legs are withering away because he’s been in a wheelchair for a few months, ever since getting shot multiple times.

I said, “Atrophy.”

“Yes. Atrophy.”

Then it occurred to me. If I ever make a second MC Aaron album, I am going to call it Atrophy, and the picture on the front will be of a trophy.

MC Aaron – Atrophy. Drops early next year.

My old idea for my next album title was Aaroneous Claims.

I dunno. It’s probably safer to just stay retired.

NUMB3RS

How do you pronounce the name of the TV show NUMB3RS? Is it Numb-three-R-S? I like to think so.

I love number insertions into words. The first one I can recall is for the movie Se7en. Which was awkward in a sense, because a 7 looks nothing like a V, but overall I found it relevant, since they put a 7 in the title of a movie called Seven. Obviously.

With NUMB3RS, what does a 3 have to do with the show? Nothing, aside from the fact that it’s a number, and I guess it’s like a backwards E. But with that logic they could’ve called it NUMBER5. A 5 looks more like an S than a 3 does an E. Although then people would think the show was called Number 5. I bet they had this exact same discussion when they were thinking of how to cram a number in to the title of the show.

Which leads us to my greatest call, loyal readers may recall, I stated many moons ago that the fifth season of LOST should be called LO5T, the 5 symbolizing Season 5. God, that is so fucking awesome and is so the shit. I wish the producers of NUMB3RS read this blog, because I’ve got the ideas right here (pointing to my dick). Why do I assume they don’t? I am so negative.

Back to Se7en, when you read it in your head, do you pronounce it Seven, or Se-seven-en? ANSWER ME!!!

My name rules. It is 44R0N. You might wonder what 44 has to do with me. Well, brainiac, 44 is the number on my softball jersey. And what about the zero in place of the O, you say… perceptive. Well, I used to be a zero, but I’m becoming a hero.

The other day I was driving and I saw a license plate that read M43STRO. I thought that was cool.Even though I don’t like the 3 in place of the E. I like to imagine that he was a famous maestro, known across the world for his brilliance and millions and millions of DOLL4R$. That is so S1CK.

Is there a word for the art of inserting numbers into words in place of certain letters? If not, it should be called 1N53RT10N.

You’re probably thinking, This blog is too long, there are no pictures, blah blah, I’m just skimming at this point, la de dum. Fine. Here are some fucking pictures:

Tix 2 Ride

I just made up an awesome song. It goes like this:

She’s got a ticket to ra-hide

She got a ticket to ra-ha-hide

She’s got a ticket to ride

But she don’t care

Just kidding, the Beatles made it up.

You’re so dumb for falling for that.

You’re so stupid.

Wait, you’re not stupid. Don’t go. You’re leaving just because I called you stupid? It was a joke.

You’re such a pussy.

I wish you weren’t my friend.

But you are. You’re my best friend. I think you and I should…

• go out for a nice dinner
• become roommates
• possibly split a cab
• build something together, like a table
• join the same softball team
• go halfsies on a cat or dog
• travel to a few countries in Europe together
• get a joint bank account
• never, ever fight again

THE END

p.s. Go USC Trojans best team ever #1 team in the nation USC baby yeah yeah gooooo Trojan horses fuck UCLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good News

My drinking habit is back on track thanks to insomnia, as well as a picnic with free booze.

Veronica is so fucking hot. I want her so bad.

She’s kind of a bitch though.

Lesson: take the good with the bad.

God’s Away on Business

My drinking habit is suffering due to a lack of funds.

Please send money.

Send via PayPal. My email is hornyteen1229@aol.com.

Oh, I miss my whiskey friend.

La di dum da da.

How I yearn for a fifth of Johnny Blaaaaaaaaaaaaack-ack-ack.

La di diddly dum da da.

Lord, have mercy!

Hiya!

Hiya = hello, excited

ha-ya = karate kick

Fighter Hayabusa = character on Nintendo’s Pro Wrestling video game

Hey Ya! = song by Outkast that unfortunately got played out, or maybe not played out, but was enjoyed too much by people I don’t like so I was forced to claim I don’t like it

Howdy = what cowboys say

ha-ya! = karate kick, already said that one

hemlock = a type of tree, I think, mentioned in a Robert Frost poem – the way a crow shook down on me the dust of snow from a hemlock tree has given my heart a change of mood and saved some part of a day I had rued. I know that by heart because I am awesome. And because a high school teacher made me memorize it.

heimlich = a maneuver

ham = meat

this = stupid

Pizza

What do you do when you wake up from a raucous night of drinking, and there is a whole pizza sitting on your kitchen counter?

Throw it back in the oven and eat it for breakfast.

YES!