Baring My Soul To You, And For What?

It’s Sunday night, my friends. At the start of the weekend, I had one vehicle. I now have two. Amazing.

I missed my softball game, and for that, I am sad.

Tomorrow I might wear my blazer to work.

I wish Nicholas Stiggers of ilovestiggers.com fame would blog again.

Today on this application I filled out, it asked for my home, work, cell and pager numbers. My first inclination was to only fill in the pager number, and when asked, be like, Yeah, all I got is a pager, I’ll call you back from a payphone.

But I’m mature now so I didn’t do that!

YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

Check out this guy:

This guy plays center for the Southwest Tennessee Community College basketball team.

His name is Nick Stigger.

Absurd Sign Tingles Spine… Or Does It?

YO. There’s a large laundromat on the northwest corner of Pico and Fairfax, large enough to have its own parking lot. There’s a sign in the lot that reads, “Laundry Parking Only. Others: $20.”

Waiting on the bus, listening to The Walkmen (“My head is full of dreams, it’s nothing new / but baby, dreaming is all a man can do”), I look around. This neighborhood is hardly bustling. Who the fuck is gonna pay $20 to park in this lot?

Across the street is a Walgreen’s. Walgreen’s has its own lot.

Diagonal from the ‘mat is a Von’s. As is typical with grocery stores here, it’s got its own lot as well.

Which leaves the stores on the southwest side:

The travel store, specializing in last-minute travel. Soooo, there’s this thing called the internet… it blew up about ten years ago… rendering travel agents worthless. Better start selling drugs.

There’s also a Western Union, a tattoo parlor, and a place to get your taxes done. No need for a lot.

Oh, and also, there’s plenty of available street parking.

Conclusion: not really a high demand for a parking lot at Pico and Fairfax. There’s not even a demand for a bike rack. I bet they could rip up the sidewalk and no one would notice.

That part of town is empty as shit.

So I say, twenty dollars? More like, twenty boners.

However, a greater question remains: what does this sign really mean???

Ef ‘Ron Milan

Has anyone noticed that Zac Efron is fucking ripped as shit?

His body is s1ck. With a number 1 in place of the i because his musculature is #1 awesome.

He’s like B. Pitt in F. Club.

He’s like LeBron.

If LeBron and Zac Efron got married, LeBron would be LeBron Efron. That would be crazy.

It would also be super gay.

Speaking of super gayness, I’ve been doing The Perfect Pushup every other day, and I am gonna get mega ripped, just like Efron.

Los Flexiones Perfecto.

Blog Update: New Tab Happy Fun Time!

Please check out the new tab here at mcaaron.com!!!

It’s my submissions to “The New Yorker Fill-In-Your-Own-Comics Contest!!!!!!!” (official name)

Check it!!

OUT!

Keith Sweat

Hey girl.

‘Sup.

Yeahhhhh.

You know this.

Wh’sappenin’.

My Refrigerator Thinks It’s In a David Lynch Movie

Every time I open my fridge, I catch the lightbulb flickering ominously.

Fridge: you are not in a David Lynch movie. Bill Pullman is not about to turn into Balthazar Getty. Naomi Watts is not about to become a lesbian and cry while masturbating. Kyle MacLachlan isn’t drinking coffee. Jack Nance isn’t talking about his dog who barks some. No one’s singing along to Roy Orbison.

Actually, that last part isn’t true. I did sing along to some Orbison this evening.

Scorpion with Claw on Head: Worst Thing Ever???

According to Wired.com, a scary 390 million year-old fossil was found, of a scorpion with a claw growing out of its head.

The only way the scorpion-claw-head would be worse is if it also had a tarantula growing out of its neck.

That is the only way it could be worse.

End of story.

Yeah, I said it. Somebody had to. I’m the only one with the balls to say it.

Yeah, I said it.

I love when people say, “Yeah, I said it” to things that it’s really not that impressive that they called out. Like, “Britney needs a new stylist. Yeah, I said it. Somebody had to.” Wow, thanks for stepping up and saying that. I can’t believe you went there. I can’t believe you called out a celebrity who’s a million miles away and can’t hear you and whose ass you would kiss if she were in the room.

Really? Really? Really? Really?

I also love when people say “really?” over and over.

File under: trends in language, unoriginality.

Hmm, spellcheck says “unoriginality” is not a word. But then again my automatic cell phone speller thing doesn’t know the word “heist”, which I think is odd. Really? You don’t know the word heist? Really? Who programmed you? Yeah, I said it. Somebody had to.