90210 Classic

The best season of 90210 is the fifth. Brenda stays in London, Valerie moves in with the Walshes. Dylan returns from Mexico, dismayed to discover that Kelly is now with Brandon. Steve pursues Valerie, who plays the good girl but is a bad girl at heart. David and Donna have broken up, and are moving on with Claire and Casper Van Dien, respectively. Andrea is dealing with– no one gives a crap about Andrea. The fast forward button was invented for her scenes.

Kelly has moved on from Dylan with good boy Brandon. When Dylan finds out, he crashes some party Donna’s mom is having. He wears jeans and a t-shirt to the formal event and puts his feet up on the table. He’s drunk. Dylan confronts Kelly and Brandon, and he is pissed.

In one of the all-time great 90210 moments, Valerie sees Dylan for the first time and she’s like, “Who is that?” Donna tells her, and Val says, “Brenda’s Dylan?” Donna, sounding constipated, mumbles, “Brenda’s Dylan… Kelly’s Dylan,” looking like her head is about to explode. Earlier in the evening, to her mother’s dismay, Donna had been dancing with a black man. That has nothing to do with anything.

That night, Dylan gets wasted and picks up a girl at a bar. Kelly goes to his house in the middle of the night to check on him. The first time I saw this episode, years ago, I thought Kelly was just concerned. But this time I noticed something new.

Kelly comes over, and Dylan is with some floozy, which bothers her. Fair enough. Dylan is like, What’d you come over for? Then he does a body shot off the floozy. Kelly is visibly upset, and says she just came over to talk. Dylan’s like, You expect me to believe you came over at 2 in the morning just to talk? Which is a very good point. Frustrated, Kelly storms off, declaring, “It’s so over.” Implying that it hadn’t been over until that moment. Kelly came over to cheat on Brandon and bang Dylan! I can’t believe I never noticed that before. Dylan is right, why else would she come over at 2 in the morning, alone?

BLAMMO. Man, Season 5 is so awesome. Valerie and Dylan start sleeping together, while she’s playing Steve, who you have to feel bad for, even if he is a douche.

Kelly goes for the good boy, but you can tell she misses the passionate heat of the darker Dylan. That’s why they wound up together in the end.

Luke Perry’s portrayal of Dylan is amazing. It’s rough and raw, especially compared to the rest of the cast. Luke Perry is to the 90210 cast as Marlon Brando is to the cast of the movie version of A Streetcar Named Desire. Performance just a cut above. It’s not even fair. It’s like Jordan in his prime. G.O.A.T.

New Respect for Spiders

In my 8th grade yearbook, I listed my phobia as spiders, and also listed my pet peeve as spiders. People made fun of me for double-listing spiders, but really, I was freaked out by them.

This morning I saw a spiderweb in the corner of the shower, with a spider reclining in the middle. I didn’t splash water on it or destroy it in any way. I stared at the web, admiring its intricate beauty. The spider builds itself a hammock out of materials found within itself. And its hammock doubles as a fishing net.

You know, I think I admire spiders.

I still wouldn’t want to wake up with one on my face, though.

Guess What

I am in a coffee shop right now.

Look at me.

Sunday morning in a coffee shop with my fancy laptop.

Because I sold my home computer when I left New York in 1965.

It seems so long ago…

I Love Stiggers Loves You

I am blogging for Stiggers because he hasn’t been writing his blog (ilovestiggers.com) lately.

Speculation as to why he hasn’t been writing ranges from there being no computers in Boston to there being computers in Boston but no internet.

I just spoke to my British friend for an hour and a half. We touched on topics ranging from girls to healthy eating to the deliciousness of donuts to Keane, whose music I enjoy and he despises, finding it “like Coldplay but with more piano.”

We discussed our choices for best album of 2008 so far. We agreed on Bon Iver’s For Emma, Forever Ago. Stiggserses also said something about Lupe Fiasco. Here are my top five for 2008 so far:

1. Bon Iver – For Emma, Forever Ago
2. The Walkmen – You & I
3. Portishead – Third
4. Wolf Parade – At Mount Zoomer
5. Radiohead – In Rainbows

Nicholas’ father recently told him he’s proud of him. “That’s nice, Dad,” Nicholas commented. “I’m 33. You could’ve told me that when I was 14 and it mattered.”

Finally, the following joke was told to him by a lovely lady:

Why is a mathbook sad? Because he’s got so many problems.

As for me, I’ve been playing ping pong at work every day. Having a ping pong table at work is pretty awesome. And intense.

Exit: Exited.

Tonight I pulled a slick move on the racetrack, I mean, on the freeway.

It was the old five lane crossover just noticed the exit at the last possible second maneuver. Tricky, risky, only the best can stick it.

Would I do it again? Nope.

But am I glad I didn’t miss the exit? Yep.

Am I glad I saw a large and disgusting bug in my backyard that reminded me of the downside of living in a warm climate? Nope.

I used to be deathly afraid of spiders, until I realized how many worse creatures are out there.

Nowadays I feel bad for spiders. They work so hard to make a web to catch a snack, and then the web gets destroyed by a paper towel cleaning up that corner of the apartment.

Crash

The Oscar-winning movie Crash from a few years ago really has a lot nerve. Not only does it totally suck ass, but it named itself Crash. There was already a movie called Crash, by David Cronenberg, which is a billion times better. Not to say it’s one of my favorites, but it is pretty good, in its unabashed portrayal of car crash fetishists.

It takes a lot of nerve to give your movie the same name as a movie already in existence. It’s basically saying that the other movie named Crash is not good enough to warrant not copying its name. You could say that crash is a common enough word. But let me ask you this: would anyone name a new movie The Godfather? Or what if someone wrote a new movie that took place in Casablanca. I doubt they’d name it Casablanca.

Alright, so maybe Crash is not on that level. But it can’t just be dismissed. It’s made by an acclaimed director, and it definitely has some merit.

I suppose my main beef stems from the fact that Paul Haggis’ Crash is so shitty, and yet for some reason it won an Oscar, and is now being made into a television show, also called “Crash”. That movie was so simple-minded. It’s a good barometer for if people have good taste. If they love Haggis’ Crash, they don’t

Oh wow, what a coincidence, the same racist cop who just sexually harassed you is now saving you from a crash. That’s what it’s like in LA. Everyone is racist, but deep down they are good. It’s all sociological. Phew, glad it’s that simple.

Hi. How Was Your Day? Tonight I’m Staying Up Late.

If you asked me how my day was, I would just tell you, Tonight when I got home the first thing I did was take a swig of Makers from the bottle and crack open a Miller Lite. Miller Lite is so bad ass, right???

I should clarify that I don’t really like Makers. This bottle, it was like my test for if I like Makers or not, and Makers freaking FAILED. A bottle of Makers is not worth $24. Not when you could get a bottle of Dewars Special Reserve for $4 less, or a bottle of Glenfidich 12 year for the same price. Come on. Makers: overrated. As fuck.

Speaking of cursing, tonight I was at the Dodgers-Phillies game (Phillies going to the World Series, bitches!!!! – not that I am a Phillies fan, but they got a good team and I respect all things Philadelphia, know enough solid people from there), and on the back of the ticket it mentions that you should keep all chatter child friendly. Well, this dude behind me clearly did not flip over his ticket because he was cussing up a storm. Here is a direct quote, one of many such sentences: “What the… fuck, you motherfucker, fuck the Phillies, this motherfucker thinks he’s– what the fuck, fuck you!!” Classy. His girl didn’t seem to mind, though. And she was alright. Clearly I’m doing something wrong

Who are these idiots who yell shit all game from the upper deck? No one you’re yelling at can hear what you’re yelling. You may as well say it quieter, or think it to yourself.

And people yell the same things over and over. One guy kept yelling, “Throw at his head!” Another, “Let’s go Dodgers!!” And another kept whistling. It was like the background of a Hanna-Barbara cartoon, repeating itself again and again.

Props to Manny, though. One of the greatest right-handed hitters ever – maybe one of the greatest hitters, period. Yep, I believe that.

I’m about ready to toss my motorcycle off a cliff. That machine will be the death of me. It’s always something with that fucker. Come on, baby, just be okay, just for a while, so I can have some piece of mind. At least I’m learning how to fix it. My brother is a bike mechanic, so it must run in the family… although, he and I are nothing alike.

So.