Broke

I’m flat broke. Like I’m truly broke. There’s about $100 in my bank account, checking and savings combined. I’m not sweating it though.

But the thing is, I’m tired of people who, when I tell them I’m broke, respond, “Yeah, me too.” Because generally, when you press them on the issue, it comes out that either their definition of broke is that they don’t have much money in their checking account but do have like $5,000 in savings but just don’t feel like spending it; or, they are also saying they’re broke because they don’t feel like buying you a beer. Back to that first example, you know, if you have a lot of money in savings, then you aren’t broke. You are just someone who is trying to save some money.

As for me, so I have that $100 tucked away in my bank account, I have $45 cash in my pocket, and I have about $4.00 in quarters but I’m saving that for laundry. Now, you could say I’m not truly broke, but $149 is not that much money these days.

In the interest of full disclosure, I also have about $1,500 in stocks. It’s in Microsoft. That doesn’t really count though, because it’s in this stock where I can’t take it out for about another 30 years unless I want to pay taxes on it. And besides, I initially bought $2,000 worth of Microsoft stock five or six years ago, and it dropped to $1,500. So basically someone was like, “If you give me $2,000, I will only charge you $500 to hold your money for 35 years.” I was like, “Deal.”

I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d never invested that money. Probably something meaningless, like I would’ve had one extra beer at the bar on 400 different occasions. The only effect that would’ve had is I may have puked a few more times.

I haven’t puked from drinking in years. I’m proud of that.

So being broke isn’t that great. I have to think twice before buying a slice of pizza. Do I really need to eat this pizza? Usually not. But pizza is awesome. Everyone likes pizza. Young people and old people and everyone in the middle all get super excited when the possibility of ordering a fresh pizza is introduced. Actually, I don’t think old people like pizza all that much. I rarely see old people eating pizza. Love for pizza tops off at about 65. Unless you own a pizza shop or something. Old people like tomato soup, and a good roast, or a brisket. Delish.

It looks like this old lady may be enjoying a personal pan pizza. So maybe I’m wrong. Slick shades. There is no way any sun is getting in your eyes.