Fucky!, Pictures, Retorts, and Smoothness

I just want to give a shout out to my favorite film reviewing website, Fucky Film Review!

http://fuckyfilmreview.wordpress.com

I don’t agree with every single review, but I respect every single review, and that’s all that matters. Besides, I do agree with most of what’s on there. And a recent telephone conversation with the man behind the site reminded me to re-watch She’s So Lovely, and I’m glad I did, because that movie is fucking awesome.

Who is the man behind the site?

My good friend, the former publisher of my rag the Greenpoint-Williamsburg Star Ledger, Marc, aka Marco (pictured below, left, then right).

Here is another interesting picture I uncovered from that very same ‘end:

It was the wedding of the esteemed Ari, pictured on a boat in India, below.

Here is another good picture, sent to me by my pal Jake, cementing his resemblance to the world leader pictured along with him.

Well, that’s about it for pictures.

Yesterday I had a pretty good comeback which I feel didn’t get the acclaim it deserved.

I was at the beach with some people. These girls had a tub of a delicious concoction whose name I forget, but whose ingredients consist of lemonade, vodka and beer. My friend and associate Andre kept calling it a Johnny Come Lately but that wasn’t the name.

This guy and his buddy (I say buddy because they seemed like frat boy types who would begin a sentence, “A buddy of mine…”) approached us. Andre was wearing a shirt with some company name on it. One of the guys who approached asked if he works there.

Andre said no, he doesn’t work there, and the guy sniffed at him. The guy happened to be wearing a white t-shirt emblazoned with the New York Times logo. So I said, “Do you work at the New York Times?” He said no. As the two of them were walking away, his buddy said, “A fair question.”

Now, this comeback was great for obvious reasons, my favorite being that we are in LA so his working for the Times is unlikely, unless he was on vacation from NYC, but I can tell a New Yorker and he clearly wasn’t one, which made my question a rhetorical one, and he answered my rhetorical question, and when someone answers a retort which is a rhetorical question, it is a double slam on that person.

Finally, I made an excellent mix of smooth r&b jams for A____ (not her real name), and I would like to say, the key to making a great mix is the sequencing. It’s all about the sequencing.

PEACE THE FUCK OUT.

Expresso

I am into espresso these days.

Coffee upsets my stomach. Coffee is too much liquid. Coffee is too much. Who wants to drink that much hot liquid at once? Unless we’re talking tea or hot chocolate. Coffee is better in concentrated form. The same way as I prefer whiskey to beer.

Espresso is so delicious. I get a double shot of espresso and add nothing. Adding milk or sugar to espresso is lame. People here in this country are always adding, adding, adding. Just fucking eat or drink what you ordered.

Unless we’re talking salt and pepper.

Or red pepper on pizza. Garlic powder is not bad either.

Basically, whatever I do is right and everyone else is obvious and stupid.

I took this picture when I was in Kenya. The sky was the babiest baby blue that day, and the grass soft and golden. I had one picture left, saving it for the perfect moment. This was that moment, or so I thought.

Little did I know I would later see a hippo with an eyepatch.

Nine Zero Two One Zero

Some crazy shit went down on the last disc of 90210 Season 5.

Dylan realized through hypnosis that he and Kelly are soulmates, way more than anything she has with Brandon. So he calls her a lot, finally goes to her apartment at night, and she answer the door and asks if everything’s okay, and you know she loves that he’s clearly been obsessing over her, and he shakes his head, and says, “Kel… I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and…” he trails off into a kiss.

End of episode. Next episode, Kelly is rollerblading. She falls over and who should fall on her but Dylan, who shows her plane tickets. He’s planned a trip around the world and wants her to come along. Great. Oh, except for one thing: why is he suddenly so sure about them as soulmates, when before they’d always fight. “We fought because we cared, because we felt something” (paraphrasing).

Oh, except for one other thing: she has a boyfriend. Brandon. Fuuuuuuck. She’ll need some time alone to think it through.

Bad Ass vs. Earnest.

Valerie goes to Kelly’s to pick up some class notes. She sees the plane tickets on the mantel, made out to Mr. Dylan McKay & Ms. Kelly Taylor. BUSTED. Kelly snatches them away. “None of your business, bitch.”

As Brandon’s longtime family friend and roommate, Valerie tells Brandon what’s up. Brandon needs some time alone.

Blammorino, next scene, Brandon bursts into Dylan’s house. “Wanna tell me why you’re inviting my girlfriend on a trip around the world?” “We have something more, something you’ll never understand.” Brandon laughs and walks out. But… not such a confident laugh. His back is against the wall.

Brandon gives Kelly a new pair of rollerblades. Nice one, B. Trip around the world… rollerblades. YES! I’m laughing at Brandon, and it fucking is a confident laugh, but wait, joke’s on me, crammed into one of the rollerblades is a little black box. And not the type you’d find on an airplane.

Proposal, Kelly, will you be my wife? She needs time.

Not a good sign.

Finally, Kelly calls D and B together, to say she can’t marry B… and can’t go with D around the world. She chooses herself.

Brandon goes to Palm Springs and gets hammered. Dylan tries to sell a script with Charlie. Kelly hangs with the lesbian she got caught in the fire with. The always immature Claire and David assume Kelly is now a dyke. After all, she is in college, not an unprecedented move.

Nope, Kelly is still into men. She just likes that girl as a friend.

Meanwhile, Ray Pruit tosses Donna down the stairs. Fucking Ray Pruit, with one T, that’s all his mama could afford. If only she’d spent more wisely, she could’ve afforded that extra T, and all this nonsense could’ve been avoided.

But she couldn’t, and it wasn’t, and now Donna’s sprained her wrist, and Steve made out with a tranny at the gas station. Classy, Steve. He told Brandon about it, which made me respect their friendship on some level. Honesty is always respectable.

In the end, it’s Brandon and Valerie at the house, his parents having moved to Hong Kong. The house has been sold, and they’ve got to vacate in two weeks. “A lot can happen in two weeks,” Val states, one of the best closing lines to a season ever. Shit, she’s been hot for him for years. Brandon grabs her by the back of the head and pulls her towards him. They’re kissing, she climbs on top of him, and credits. They’re gonna fuck for the next two weeks.

But of course, we all know what we find out in Season 6.

Avi

This is a silent documentary I made about my friend Avi when I stayed with him in Paris in 2007. He was writing and cleaning apartments for some cash. I want to make more of these about different friends in different cities.

2008 Best Flicks

1. Synecdoche, New York – This will someday be known as Charlie Kaufman’s best picture (to date). Absolutely brilliant and unfairly underrated.

2. The Wrestler – Mickey Rourke, it’s true what they say. Although they should give more credit to all the amazing movies he was in in the 80’s.

3. Man on Wire – Fascinating documentary on a unique subject, a Frenchman I’m glad I learned about.

4. Rachel Getting Married – I’m not into TV on the Radio’s new album, but the guy is in a great movie right here. And Anne Hathaway is so good I saw Bride Wars because she was in it. That sure was a mistake. Nevertheless, if this is her Erin Brockovich, it’s a hell of a lot better than Erin Brockovich.

5. In Bruges – Martin McDonough, great playwright, very good first film.

6. The Strangers – I’m not normally into horror, but this has such an excellent setup. It falls apart at the end, as most horror movies do, but the first three quarters had my neck pinned to the top of my seat. I was pretty high when I saw this, and had just read Bugliosi’s book on Charles Manson, whose escapades the movie is very loosely – but certainly noticeably – based on.

7. Let the Right One In – I’m not normally into vampire movies, but there was something weird and different about this one that kept me involved. Just goes to show, execution is more important than genre. This movie is Swedish.

8. Appaloosa – Bad ass Western with one of my favorites, Ed Harris, starring and directing, also with Viggo Mortensen. I like it even though Jeremy Irons is in it. For some reason I can’t stand Irons.

9. Vicky Christina Barcelona – Scarlett Johanssen is damn hot. I like this movie for many reasons, that is just one of them. I saw this on a Monday afternoon by myself in a near-empty theater in Los Feliz. It will put you into a joyful mood.

10. Milk – Everyone’s good in this, and I like Gus Van Sant. He’s had an interesting career. I wonder why no one ever screens My Own Private Idaho or Drugstore Cowboy. I wish I owned a theater, I would screen those for sure.

Best Movie of 2009: Two Lovers. Joaquin Phoenix should win the 2009 Oscar hands down. One of the best performances I’ve ever seen. I doubt anything will eclipse this, it’s the best movie I’ve seen since Little Children in 2006.

Movies I have yet to see that could make the list: Snow Angels, Role Models, A Christmas Tale, Doubt, The Visitor.

Who would ever think that you would spread like mustard?

I’m a 31 year-old walking twelve blocks down Pico, a 12 year-old at heart.

When you listen to Biggie when you’re high, every song feels 20 minutes long.

And now I’m drinking hot tea on a Saturday afternoon.

Once in a while I begin to re-appreciate a rapper, to fully appreciate that rapper for the first time, and right now it’s the B.I.G. In particular, “Get Money” by Junior M.A.F.I.A.

“Fogless”

Don’t buy a cheap fogless mirror at Bed, Bath and Beyond. When I shower, the fucking thing gets foggier than the regular mirror in the bathroom.

The FOGLESS MIRROR gets foggier than the MIRROR THAT IS SUPPOSED TO GET FOGGY.

Stupid.

Maybe you’re thinking, It’s cheap – what did you expect?

First of all, even a cheap fogless mirror is still like 20 bucks.

This concept is simple. It’s either fogless or not. Doesn’t anyone test these things?

When I shave in the shower I have to wipe off the “fogless” mirror every time I want to look at my stupid face. It should have quotation marks around it so we know.

This is not the mirror I have:

I did have a superb fogless mirror back in Brooklyn. I wish I hadn’t left it behind.

Love,

Aaron

p.s. Shaving in the shower is wonderful. Guys who use electric razors are suckers.

p.p.s. This is me with a mustache and my sunglass eyeglasses: